For the third time this week, Beowulf found himself grinding his teeth in the effort to hold back tears. Along with the men in his sparring group, he had been engaged in faux combat in the practice fields for the past several hours. When the instructor directed them to pack up their things, Beowulf had offered to help with the larger equipment. He had just lifted a wooden shield when in snapped apart in his hands, leading to intense ridicule from his peers.
No one bothered to care that he had lost his father as a young boy. It did not matter that his mother had sent him away to become a warrior, never asking what Beowulf wanted. Despite his being ten years younger than most of the men in his sparring group, they never held back when it was time to deliver him a good tongue-lashing. However, Beowulf would not allow them to see his weaknesses. He knew that he was stronger than them all, and had been chosen by the wise King Hygelac for good reason. He just had to prove that he was worthy, and maybe then, he would finally be praised and loved. In that moment, he vowed to himself, as he had many times before, that he would one day fulfill his destiny as a great warrior, no matter who he must slay to do it.
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The first opportunity to prove himself came only a few days later. After another sparring practice ended in splintered wooden swords and an irritated instructor, the older men began to bear down on Beowulf once again. A particularly prideful and surly man, Breca, decided to put Beowulf in his place, and challenged the child to a swimming race.
Beowulf knew that this was the chance for which he had waited. He was terrified of the icy waters of the sea, and the monsters that called its depths home. Still, he was more afraid of the fallout if he refused. He answered Breca's call to race, and readied himself to prove his true strength to all who had doubted him.
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Beowulf had hoped that his victory against Breca would finally turn the tides of hatred towards him, but he was wrong. Even five years after that victory, when Beowulf had become a man, the people of Geatsland resented him, because he held his uncle's favor. The most recent dinner in the drinking-hall had been especially difficult to withstand. He had to sit by and watch as the Geats openly debated his worth. How could Beowulf prove that he deserved his seat at the foot of the king?
Yet, that was also the evening that everything changed.
Beowulf's chance had finally come when the Wanderer stood and sang of the great beast Grendel. Without hesitation, Beowulf stood to proclaim that he would slay the beast. Despite his fear and doubts, he knew his resolve was worth it when he caught sight of the pride and love in the face of the queen, his aunt Hygd.
Now, on the boat to Denmark, beowulf was still nervous, but was ready for the moment he had prayed for all this years. He would bring home the head of Grendel, and in doing so, would bring peace and love into his own life.
Author's Note: "The Young Beowulf" is a take on our
reading of the same name, from Strafford Riggs'
The Story of Beowulf. In that portion of the epic, Beowulf is angered by the extent to which the other Geats doubt him, and is desperate for the opportunity to prove himself in battle. I chose to explore those emotions, asking what motived Beowulf to fight as hard as he did, volunteering for such a dangerous mission.
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